We all know how the story goes. At an early age, we learn how it works. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. Butterflies. Attraction. Fireworks. BOOM: Love. He loves her and she loves him and nothing else matters. But that’s not how it really works, is it? That’s just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg.
Most of our favorite love stories leave the ‘choice factor’ out of the equation. So we are tricked to believe that love is this magical thing that happens to us and makes us and our significant others happy. But that, I’ve learned from experience, is plain wrong. Attraction happens to us. It comes from some kind of primitive place inside of us and we have no or little control over it. It works a lot like hunger. It does us, and not the other way around. But when it comes to love, my friends, now that is something that we make happen. We CHOSE to make it happen. Why? Because attraction, fireworks, and butterflies fade. Love, on the other hand, is something we build. We work on it. We make it happen.
There’s no merit in having someone being attracted to you. A lot of people can feel attracted to you. But being chosen… that’s the tricky part. Because being chosen implies compromise beyond attraction, beyond the pretty stuff, beyond fun and games. And some people like to believe that as you get closer to perfection you become more likely to be chosen. But that is also a big, fat lie. Because there is no such thing as perfection. Because connection cannot happen without authenticity. Because being flawed is part of the beauty of being human. It reminds us that we’re in this together. That we are all a little broken. That there’s no shame in imperfection.
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