Letting go.

This is probably the saddest letter I have ever had to write. My life has changed so much in the past 7 years. I’ve gone through so many things I never thought I would ever have to go through. I have faced loss, rejection, betrayal and shame, but I have managed to stay on my feet. All I have overcome has been due to courage. Courage has become the central value at all my decision making processes. I have paid a high cost but it has made me stronger and wiser. I still have so much more to learn, but this painful process has helped me realize who I want to be and what I want for myself. I can’t afford to wait in line for love. I have dreams to follow.

I remember when it all started. I remember I always told you I would never ask you to give up your dreams nor would I ever ask you to do things you weren’t ready for. I’m at a place in my life that I have come to realize that life is the sum of the choices you make. I now know that doing the right thing can be painful sometimes but making the wrong choices comes at much too high a cost. Especially when the truth hits you in the face and you can no longer deny it.

You have all your life ahead. You still have a handful of mistakes to make before you realize what you want and you need the freedom to make those mistakes. There is nothing wrong with being clueless when it comes to what you want. It is part of growing up. It is a natural step of this beautiful gift called life. I can’t ask you to go faster. I can’t expect you to get there before you’re ready.

It breaks my heart to realize I have lost. This ship is sinking and I can’t let us go down with it. I owe it to you and I owe it to myself. It takes a lot of guts to let go of someone you love so much… of you, my chosen one. But it is because I love you that I have to let you go. I have to take this burden from your shoulders. I can’t carry the guilt of holding you back. I already have so much baggage to carry with me and I am screaming for help. I am. But I can’t ask you to help me because you can’t. And I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want you to fall.

Remember that song I always quote in my letters? I’ve said it before:

“My wish for you

Is that this life becomes all that you want it to

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small

You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to

I hope you know somebody loves you

And wants the same things too

Yeah, this is my wish” *

So this is me setting you free.

A part of me will always be with you. Who knows, maybe we will find each other in the future, in another life. Meanwhile, I will hold on to all the beautiful memories we have created together because they were real. We were real. I will move on with my life and carry your heart inside my heart.

Yours truly,

China

—

* Song: My wish      Artist: Rascal Flatts

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